Ch Ch Ch Changes….

I am in the process of making some pretty momentous life changing decisions that are extremely emotional. While the changes will alter my life in ways that are positive, it also is with laced with bittersweet memories. I have made these decisions in a short time, it has also been a long time coming. In other words, this has been working to a head for some time now and I am finally strong enough to change it so I can feel better both physically and mentally. So, what am I talking about?

I am moving out on my own after all these years and starting over. I know I mentioned it previously but this week is when I move out and get the ball rolling. I have counseled with elders and have talked to my friends and realized that I am at peace with my decision.

Is it hard? YES! Am I second guessing my decision? YES! Have I done the right thing for me at this time in my life? YES! Has my stress level dropped immensely? YES! Am I healthier now? YES! So, in the pluses and minuses department, the good outweighs the bad and I feel better already.

New Book on Boundaries….WOW!!!!

I ordered a book on setting boundaries and all I can say is ‘WOW”! I am shocked at the similarities in my life with this book! Talk about hitting the nail on the head! I thought I would share a few excerpts with you all.

Book title: Boundaries, when to say yes, when to say no

Authors: Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

I am only on the first chapter but like I said, this is really good stuff! Here are a few excerpts:

Page 27-30

What does a Boundary look like?

The parents of a twenty-five year old man came to see me with a common request: they wanted me to “fix” their son, Bill. When I asked where Bill was, they answered, “Oh, he didn’t want to come.”

“Why?”, I asked.

“Well, he doesn’t think he has a problem”, they replied.

“Maybe he is right”, I said, to their surprise. “Tell me about it.”

They recited a history of problems that had begun at a very young age. Bill had never been “quite up to snuff” in their eyes. In recent years, he has exhibited problems with drugs and an inability to stay in school and find a career.

It was apparent that they loved their son very much and were heartbroken over the way he was living. They had tried everything they knew to get him to change and live a responsible life, but all had failed. He was still using drugs, avoiding responsibility, and keeping questionable company.

They told me that they had always given him everything he needed. He had plenty of money at school so “he wouldn’t have to work and he would have plenty of time for study and a social life”.When he flunked out of one school, or stopped going to classes, they were more than happy to do everything they could to get him int o another school, where “it might be better for him”.

After they had talked for awhile, I responded: :I think your son is right. He doesn’t have a problem.”

You could have mistaken their expression for a snapshot; they stared at me in disbelief for a full minute. Finally the father said, “Did I hear you right? You don’t think he has a problem?”

“That’s correct”, I said. ”He doesn’t have a problem. You do. He can do pretty much whatever he wants, no problem. You pay, you fret, you worry, you plan, you exert energy to keep him going. He doesn’t have a problem because you have taken it from him. Those things should be his problem, but as it stands now, they are yours. Would you like for me to help you help him to have some problems?”

They looked at me like I was crazy, but some lights were beginning to go on in their heads. “What do you mean, “help him to have some problems”?” his mother asked.

“Well,” I explained, “I think that the solution to this problem would be to clarify some boundaries so that his actions cause him problems and not you.”

“What do you mean , “boundaries”?” the father asked.

“Look at it this way. It is as if he’s your neighbor, who never waters his lawn. But, whenever you turn on yoru sprinkler system, the water falls on his lawn. Your grass is turning brown and dying, but Bill looks down at his green lawn and thinks to himself, “my yard is doing fine.” That is how your son’s life is. He doesn’t study, or plan, or work, yet he has anice place to live, plenty of money, and all t he rights of a family member who is doing his part.”

“If you would define the property lines a little better, if you would fix the sprinkler system so that the water would fall on your lawn, and if he didn’t water his own lawn, he would have to live in dirt. He might not like that after a while.”

“As it stands now, he is irresponsible and happy, and you are responsible and miserable. A little boundary clarification would do the trick. You need some fences to keep his problems out of your yard and in his, where they belong.”

“Isn’t that a bit cruel, just to stop helping like that?” the father asked.

“Has helping him worked?” I asked.

His look told me that he was beginning to understand.

 

What you should do to help fight Passive Aggressive Behavior

I found this fascinating article that discusses tactics to use when confronted with the passive agressive person/mate. Amazing information! I got this from www.ezinearticles.com. Enjoy the read!

Fight Back Passive Aggressive Actions With 5 Guerrilla Tactics!

 

It is very easy to discover the inherent pain that a relationship based on passive aggression brings. It is important that you identify exactly the behaviors that trigger your confusion, isolation or anger, and ascribe them to his peculiar way of doing life in general. You are not responsible for his attitude, learned in his childhood.

A passive aggressive intimate connection is a sad paradox. It is as if, in the middle of our constant search for love, companionship and support, we humans encountered a huge blockage that says: “I will pervert and block all your steps towards reaching love, in such a way that it will be impossible to discover who did it and how it was done…all the way I’m professing my love and devotion for you.”

This is the challenge presented by the passive aggressive person’s constant sabotage, which has the objective of deliver a permanent resistance to any deep intimacy, trust and union. You would say, “This is contradicting any search for love…! How can it be that in the middle of this warm relationship building we encounter such a strong resistance that the same love gets destroyed?”

It’s difficult to accept, but some people are so scared of being deeply loved, that they will unconsciously frustrate all steps towards intimacy with passive aggressive behaviors. So, you are warned. And probably you know already the multiple ways in which this passive aggression will rear its ugly face. Perhaps if we review some of them, we can begin to offer an strategy to understand how it happens and so reduce the damage. Let me count the ways…

1.- Behavior always focused on negative aspects of life: The basic attitude here is that life is a miserable experience and there is no joy to be expected, so we are victims of a cruel destiny. In this view, others including you are responsible for the circumstances he is in, and little can be done to change. In order to continue piling up misery and rejection, positive aspects are thoroughly ignored or rejected.

TACTIC NUMBER 1: To counteract the effects of PA behaviors you need to be sure of your own accomplishments, and be proud of them. To keep the mindset of victim hood, your partner will diminish or ignore them, Remind yourself constantly about your good qualities, before it’s too late and you begin to accept your partner’s misery framing as the mirror with which you perceive yourself. Catch yourself diminishing your merits and tell yourself to Stop! Do some breathing exercises and tell yourself how good you are at what you do.

Keep your good friends around, so they can also remind you of your good qualities.

2) Behavior that induces a constant confusion in your brain The main problem with passive aggressive behavior is how to identify the unhealthy interaction. This is difficult because your mind needs to observe and evaluate the situation while it is simultaneously being confused by a barrage of contradictory messages. He’ll say his actions stem from good intentions and the want to provide support, while at the same time he abandons any commitment at the least opportunity. Moreover, he is always going to rationalize his hurtful behavior, producing more confusion in your brain.

TACTIC NUMBER 2: Accept confusion and emotional pain as indicators of being in a relationship with a passive aggressive (PA) person. Another kind of person would make you feel totally different; the truth now is that another person is confusing and manipulating you! DO take your confusion seriously: go for a walk; do something alone; write in your diary; learn breathing exercises to calm your brain and heart; watch a positive romantic movie in TV; anything that fills you with mind clarity and peace is welcome!

3) Sabotaging your best projects: If you show enthusiasm and excitement for some personal project, it is sure that you will receive negative opinion, criticism and put down comments. Because your partner will perceive your projects as threatening the amount of attention now allocated to him, she/he will sabotage them.

TACTIC NUMBER 3: Don’t expect or want anything important, fundamental, or vital from a PA partner, at least at the beginning. The more detached you can be from the final outcome of any shared intimacy, the more protected you become from manipulations that will eventually disappoint you. So, you need to present your heart’s desires in a way that is detached from the emotions they produce in you. If you show enthusiasm and high expectations, any project will be nipped in the bud. If you can present the most fabulous ideas with a blank face, then you’ll likely to get what you want. Learn to control any visible emotional connection or desire, while you move ahead with your projects simultaneously.

4) Giving you the “Silent Treatment” Maintenance of aloof silence toward another as an expression of one’s anger or disapproval: a deliberate discourteous act. Are you getting the cold shoulder, but you don’t know why? Is someone who’s normally eager to speak to you now keeping your conversations to the bare minimum? This can be hurtful, frustrating, and confusing.

TACTIC NUMBER 4:   Asserting Yourself in light of the silent treatment. If you remember that he uses this way of controlling you, without a clear reason that would justify his detachment, then you can be safer. Think again that this reaction is his choice, that he could behave in a different way, and that this behavior is not revealing or confirming anything about your value as a person. You are not responsible for his behavior, he is deciding to be cold and distant and controlling. Again, detaching yourself, having your own projects and friends, can help you protect your core from the isolation forced unjustly on you. When you feel stronger, perhaps you would try to confront him explaining the impact that this behavior has on you, and on the future of the relationship.

5) Always “not being completely there” In a time of need, the PA person will always be, as the saying goes: “an hour late, a dollar short, or a block away.” He backs off at the right moment, doing nothing when something is expected from him. He hides behind a curtain of good intentions…”I tried to, but…” He “was meaning to go with you to the doctors…but something else came up.” He can give you a dozen reasons why he could not do what he promised. The first excuse is that he forgot about the deal. This leaves you confused between believing him, and listening to your hurt feelings.

TACTIC NUMBER 5: Every time you receive this excuse; each time he says that he “forgot”, substitute the words: “didn’t want to” instead of “forgot.” You then can properly realize what is going on, and can move on with your decisions. You put an end to the confusion and paralysis provoked by his mix of good intentions and omissions.

Living with a person who relates in this way can induce pain, confusion and loneliness. Regardless of that, you might be very well looking at his good aspects and trying to make a good effort to develop a stable and long term relationship.

To help navigate this difficult path, you can use the ebook: “Recovering from Passive Aggression.”

Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions. Her best selling ebook: “Recovering from Passive Aggression,” together with other ebooks about developing and keeping healthy relationships can be found at her blog.

Even more: for wise articles on how to clarify conflict issues in your life, survive emotional abuse, manage anger attacks and receive life-changing coaching sessions, visit her blog at: http://www.creativeconflicts.com

Subscribe and receive a free ebook: “How healthy is your marriage?”

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Nora_Femenia

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/1778172

Pinterest

Ok, I admit it… I am addicted to pinterest. I love to see all the crafty and neat ideas of others! I love to try the ideas out for myself! If you have never tried it, you should! It is so much fun and so easy to learn all types of things! Go to www.pinterest.com and sign up! You will be amazed at all the things you can find on there!

 

Families and Alcoholics

When you live in a home with an alcoholic, it can be a day to day walk on eggshells, wondering if today is the day they will lash out at you and belittle you in an attempt to deflect the real problem which is them and their addiction. I found this wonderful article and thought I would share it. Please read if you have this issue. I got this from the website www.psychcentral.com.

 

When Family Members Protect Alcoholics

By ERIKA KRULL, MSED, LMHP

 

In families with alcoholism, emotions and priorities can get very mixed up — and not just by the alcoholic. Spouses, kids, parents, and extended family members can also get emotionally entangled with the alcoholic’s situation. Everyone has expectations and needs to be met, and in many cases the alcoholic falls short. When everyone gets accustomed to living with an intense emotional situation, feelings start taking on way too much importance.

The Problems

Family members:

• Don’t want to lose their relationship with the alcoholic. Some family members don’t put pressure on an alcoholic because they don’t want to be abandoned. They would rather keep that person in their life instead of possibly losing them altogether. Rather than talk about alcohol rehabor tell the alcoholic their true feelings about the problem, they play it safe and avoid the truth. 

  It is understandable that others may want to stay connected to the alcoholic. But the family member makes their choice because of what they want to keep, not because of what might be better for the alcoholic.

• Don’t want to rock the boat. Going against the grain in an alcoholic family could make someone a hot target. If one person tries to speak the truth about an alcoholic and put up boundaries, that person quickly can become the black sheep. Family members often will air out the truth-teller’s dirty laundry; whatever positive standing they might have within the family could be knocked down. Rumors and negativity may even spread beyond the family group. If that’s the price for helping an alcoholic family member, why would anyone do it? It takes courage to stand up to an entire family, and many people aren’t sure they have it.
• Don’t want to be isolated. It’s bad enough that a person giving tough love to an alcoholic family member may get harassed — the breach of family rules may be enough to cause relatives’ rejection. When your alcoholic cousin Jimmy asks for money and you refuse him, you make a wise decision. But you also risk your overprotective grandma putting a black mark against your name. In her eyes, you did something wrong, not Jimmy.Grandma also may influence other family members to isolate you. If you feel this potential isolation and loneliness is too much for you to bear, you may decide to give in to Jimmy’s money requests to stay connected to the family.
• Don’t see the harm in protecting and rescuing the alcoholic. Some people may truly believe they are helping their loved one by rescuing them. Family members hate to see the alcoholic so upset about his or her circumstances. They give money, shelter, food, or whatever the alcoholic might need at the moment. It may make the family feel better that the alcoholic isn’t suffering as much because of their help. However, it’s the suffering that can make an alcoholic realize how much he or she needs to turn his or her life around.

The Solutions

Family members should:

• Give compassion and keep firm boundaries. Setting boundaries has nothing to do with being mean. Having compassion does not mean lacking backbone. You can say “no” with a gentle look in your eyes and with a caring tone of voice. You can say “I love you, and because of that I won’t be giving you money right now.” You can tell an alcoholic that when he or she is clean and sober, you would love to have a visit. 
• Present clear choices and hold to them. It’s one thing to give ultimatums and choices to an alcoholic relative. Holding your ground is much harder. When you tell someone you won’t be giving them any more money or a place to stay, you need to hold to that line 100 percent. If you give in just one time, you will undermine your entire strategy. Alcoholics need to feel the full amount of stress for their troubles just like everyone else. If they are bailed out all the time, they don’t face the full responsibility of their lifestyle. When they have to fall and stumble on their own, they have a better chance of seeing why they really need to change.
• Provide information about good rehab options and addiction resources. By now, it may seem like there isn’t really much you can do to help an alcoholic relative. Thankfully, that isn’t true. An alcoholic really needs good information about alcohol treatment and support groups in the area. You can find lots of information online, in the phone book, and in newspapers. Gather your information and write down a few good choices. Hand it to the alcoholic you intend to help and tell them how much you care when you do it. Do not be surprised if the person scoffs at the idea of alcohol rehab, gets mad at you, or gives you an excuse. He or she may reject what you have to say publicly, but look at the list in private.
• Be prepared to lose the relationship. Your alcoholic relative may be very upset with your firm boundaries and alcohol rehab information. He or she may say “I “hate you,” “you don’t really love me,” or “I want nothing to do with you.” It’s also possible that the alcoholic may act on these words and stick to them for some time. That can be a painful thought for many people trying to help alcoholic relatives. The thing families fear most after anxious months or years of no contact is hearing that their loved one died.It takes a lot of guts to keep a firm, loving boundary, give information, or even set up an intervention. Talk to a rehab counselor or AA support group leader to get support and guidance. You never know how the alcoholic in your family will respond to your rational but caring approach.

Offering Help to an Alcoholic

The Mayo Clinic has a comprehensive webpage describing alcohol dependence and what generally can be expected from alcohol treatment. The Alanon/Alateen website also has good information about their support groups for family members and friends of alcoholics. Also, contact a local alcohol treatment center in your area to understand how you can truly help an alcoholic family member.

Letter to Family of Alcoholics

Wow! I read this and it hit home! I found this open letter on a web page wellsphere.com and it is written by a man whose wife is an alcoholic and his observations he shares are to be an encouragement to those in similar circumstances. Here is the article…

Alcoholic Open Letter – To YOU

Posted Oct 21 2008 12:55am

An Open Letter to You (the person living in the chaos of alcoholism); Date: Today (the new day dawning for you.) Dear You. You are a good person. You are a person who cares. You are a person who deserves to be happy. And you are not the cause of the alcoholic’s problem and you cannot cure it. Period! No matter what your qualifier does, his or her drinking or addiction, should not be allowed to take you down. And if you have lost your self-esteem and you feel you don’t matter, shame on you. Get it back. And get it back for yourself and/or your children. You have to get better no matter what your qualifier does. What I mean here is your qualifier may never get well. That is up to him (or her). You cannot fix it. You must work on yourself to get your sanity and health back. We all feel the effects of alcoholism. It makes us feel “Worthless” and “tired” and “confused” among other feelings. This loss of self-esteem and being run-down doesn’t happen overnight, which makes it dangerous. It happens over time, and it is so gradual we don’t notice it occurring. What is abnormal now becomes our “new normal.” If we took you back in time and showed you a video snapshot of the future and a video snapshotof the way life was, you would be surprised at the difference between how you were and how you are. You – in fact – would say probably, “I would never allow that to happen.” But because of the gradual changes – we change subtly and over time – we don’t notice it and because the changes are a “few inches a day, the changes are drastic.” I have found that going to Al-Anon allows me (and others I have met there), understand this fact of change consciously or unconsciously. We have to get our sanity back; No more looking for bottles No more calling in sick for the alcoholic No more fighting or arguing – especially when drunk No more threats you cannot enforce or live by No more sacrificing your schedule because the alcoholic didn’t live up to their commitment No more allowing ourselves to be called names or made to feel bad No more anger Not checking to see if the alcoholic is feeling OK today to see how we should feel and act Now we have to do what is really normal that now feels selfish; Eating properly Eating when we are supposed to Exercising Meeting friends for coffee Working Not doing other people’s work at work Knowing what “codes of value” we will live by and not allow others to intrude upon Being happy (and not feeling guilty about it) Dressing up/Showering/Getting out of the house Not covering up for our qualifier And so on Al-Anon allows us to get sanity back after a few months. Then, and this is important, YOU react and respond differently toward the alcoholic. The alcoholic sees that there are changes because of your changes. What he sees is: You don’t get mad anymore, you stop taking care of him (remember he is not a child but will act that way to be taken care of). Therefore he HAS to change, but now you don’t have to tell him, you show him by your actions. So often we do for the alcoholic what he or she has to do for themselves (parents do this too). This will feel uncomfortable at first. It will seem selfish. But it isn’t, it’s the most necessary thing you have to do. Second, and this is important too: Even if he does not get better, you now have the sanity to where you decide – you decide sanely – whether you want to stay in this environment and live the rest of your life this way. Right now, you cannot decide this properly. Also – last and this is important too, by getting well, you begin attract new people, events and circumstances into your life that will help you and this help gets you well faster. I hope this helps YOU.   Joe PS – If you look back at my first posts, you will see I was crazy because my qualifier was arrogant, demanding, and deceitful. I was reactionary, hurt, depressed, and did not know the tools of Al-Anon. I am not perfect. But I know I have gotten better. I feel it and I see it from the first posts to today’s posts. Again, I am still in recovery and have a lot to learn. PPS – Remember, there are people who really love you and care for you. You are loved by them and by God. God does not make any junk. You need to love your self again. This is not selfish. Feel it and live it. Today is your turning point. See the new dawn rising.

Selfish Alcoholics

I am doing some research on a topic that I have been involved in for some time. Rather, I was the one who dealt with the person who is addicted. Here is some useful information regarding selfishness and alcoholism.

This first article came from the website freedomfromalcohol.com. It discusses the selfishness that alcoholics have and why.

The Selfishness And Self Pity of Recovering Alcoholics

Published by Staff Writer at 11:22 am under Alcohol Recovery, Alcohol Treatment Programs, Family Members of Alcoholics

Alcoholics are renowned for being stubborn people who could use a healthy dose of modesty. Being humble is not on their radar. There is no standard template that defines ALL alcoholics, but they do share many qualities, most of which they’d be advised not to brag about. The most compelling character trait of most alcoholics is their selfishness. I’m speaking of selfish behavior that occurs before they do something about their drinking.

Selfishness and alcoholism go hand in hand since being alcoholic means you have total disregard for others around you. Alcoholics are beholden to no one or no thing except their next drink. They will sacrifice everything to see to their dependency and continued intoxication is their only goal. The longer this behavior is out of control, the worse it gets. This means leaving collateral damage in their wake such as broken relationships and families, financial ruin, poor and damaged health, lost careers and a future that is bleak with no prospects.

Someone once say that alcoholics tend to mature much slower than regular people while they are drinking. In fact they tend to stay fixed at the age they were when they experienced their first drunk. What other explanation for the bizarre behavior exhibited by heavy drinkers besides the chemical reaction facts?

Being selfish in recovery can actually be helpful when its purpose is to keep one focused on the mission of sobriety. However an alcoholic, particularly in early stage recovery, must make an effort to avoid the common defects of character they exhibited during their active drinking days – specifically about selfishness, the kind of behavior that makes you angry when things aren’t going your way. If being deprived of alcohol makes you bitter, (and it will) your tendency will be to take your frustrations out on those around you.

A recovering alcoholic has only one thing to be focused on and that’s their sobriety. Having said that, you have to think of those around you. Don’t be so focused on remaining sober that you let your emotions get the better of you. Yes you are going to feel physically lousy and jittery, and bitter with a short fuse. This is a good time to start displaying some remorse for your previous behavior. Instead of carrying a chip on your shoulder the size of Rhode Island, try presenting that side of you that has been absent for some time.

Be the person you want others to believe you can be – the person your spouse married and your children were proud of. If you hurt certain relationships, try and repair them. Don’t be afraid of asking for forgiveness if you wronged someone. This process of redemption will help you more than them. You will know who is deserving of an apology and the process of making it is what will benefit you. You may have much to make up for, as your life was out of control and you were selfish. Little else can have such a devastating effect on relationships as constant selfish behavior. You had an excuse, not a good one but grounds for your bad conduct. Those that need assuaging should receive it and this will help the process of regaining lost trust.

Self pity is for wimps. Period. You put yourself in the position you now find yourself in. No one held a gun to your head and said start drinking and don’t stop. Self-pity in recovery is natural, but is quite destructive and serves absolutely no useful purpose. It simply shows more perceived weakness by the perpetrator and a severe lack of confidence and inability to deal with adversity. It also represents a person’s idea that they are somehow a victim of their circumstances (in this case alcoholism), and they are somehow justified in feeling sorry for themselves and deserving of sympathy from others.

It does not set well when other alcoholics are heard making excuses for their abusive drinking, and in recovery accept no responsibility for their conduct. They behave the same way sober as they did when they were drinking excessively. How can they expect to improve emotionally and admit their actions were misguided in order to achieve healing? They can’t.

Enabling by others can have a disastrous effect on the individual in recovery. By offering sympathy to these self pitying, character deficient weaklings you are only setting them up to fail. A person in recovery is not only healing their physical body, but also their emotional state of mind. They will need to stiffen their spine for their future life free from alcohol when they will need those skills that may have been dormant for years in order to begin rebuilding relationships, careers and maturity. They need to start acting like emotionally stable adults they are.

Starting Over at 52

Life can take strange twists and turns when we least expect it. You can be plugging along thinking all is well and then something happens that not only opens your eyes to the truth, but also moves you to change course. This is my new reality. I am living with my mother in her guest room because I had to leave my home situation. I have my kitty cat here with me and am trying to find a place to live. Unfortunately, that is going to be an issue. I cannot work anymore and I have a very limited budget since I live on ssdi. Basically I will probably end up in an area that is dangerous because I cannot afford much more. I like to eat and get my meds so I have to work this out so I can do that.

I never expected to be living with my mom at 52. I thought I would be getting ready to retire (before I had to quit working). I have rolled with the punches that life has thrown at me and always look for the positives. There is a sadness this time. You see, I love my husband. I did not want to leave. It was hard to do. However, on reflection, I have had issues all around me that I chose not to see. You know, living with your head in the sand. Well, my eyes have opened wide and I see everything with a clarity that was missing prior. So, now what can I do? Stay tuned… I do not know but I am sure it will be changes I did not anticipate. Hopefully I can grow into a better person who has a frugal yet rewarding life left to me from this point forward. We will see…

Explosive Rage Disorder

I have been reading up on several mental health issues and thought this was a good read… it came from http://www.healthguidance.org.

Explosive Anger Disorder, EAD

By Christopher Jacoby | Mental Health | Rating:

Explosive anger disorder (or EAD, also called intermittent explosive disorder or IED) is a condition in which individuals experience ‘explosive’ fits of rage that are disproportionate to the stressor that triggered them. These outbursts will often be short in duration and will be accompanied by twitching, sweating and other bodily symptoms. Often the individual will feel a sense of relief and even pleasure after allowing themselves to vent their anger. It is suspected that this condition is highly prevalent and studies have found that roughly 16 million Americans would fit the criteria of EAD, though it is a different condition to categorise and diagnose and it is hard to draw the line between those with EAD and those who simply have a short temper. To be classified as EAD, the explosive outbursts must not be the result of other psychological or health conditions such as Alzheimer’s disease, of medication or substance abuse. Impulsive outbursts of anger can of course be a highly unsociable behaviour, but at the same time they can be dangerous and destructive if they lead to acts of violence or other poor judgement. It is thought that EAD could cause many cases of road rage, vandalism, domestic violence and pub fights. Those with EAD might have difficulty holding down relationships and jobs and might make rash actions that they gravely regret subsequently. Causes of Explosive Anger Disorder (EAD) There are many potential causes of EAD and the exact mechanisms are not fully understood. It may well be that several different causes can have the same effects as EAD. Impulsive violence has been linked in some studies to a low serotonin turnover rate (serotonin being a feel good hormone and a neurotransmitter). This in turn could be caused by a low amount of 5-Hydroxyindoleacetic acid in the cerebrospinal fluid. Low 5-HIAA might be inherited. EAD has also been linked to blood sugar levels. Increased insulin secretion for instance is correlated with EAD which would result in low blood sugar. Meanwhile lesions in the amygdala and prefrontal cortex may damage blood sugar control and have also been correlated with EAD. This might be because of low blood sugar causing decreased brain function. Lesions in the prefrontal cortex could also affect an individual’s long-term planning abilities. This would then mean that they had less ability to predict the outcome of their behaviour and result in more destructive impulsive outbursts. This is why alcohol can cause explosive outbursts of anger – and why those with EAD should avoid consuming alcohol. Treatment of Explosive Anger Disorder (EAD) There are many treatments for EAD. Where the outbursts are highly antisocial and are putting the patient and others at risk then medication might be required and here a range of antidepressants such as serotonin re-uptake inhibitors can be used. At the same time there are many therapies that are aimed at teaching individuals to manage and recognise their anger. CBT for instance (cognitive behavioural therapy) can teach individuals to identify the thoughts that might make them angry and then replace them with more calm thoughts that will extinguish the situation before it erupts. Biofeedback may be used as part of CBT or on its own. Here the patients will be given a heart rate monitor which they will use to monitor their heart rate. As their heart rate increases they will enter a state of excitability where they will be more likely to become angry. When they notice this happening they will be instructed to try using a range of anger management techniques such as smiling, controlling their breathing, removing themselves from the situation etc, and they can then monitor the results of this on their heart rate monitor. The eventual hope then is that they begin to recognise the situations that trigger their outbursts so that they can avoid them, identify the signs that their heart rate is rising, and know the best techniques to calm themselves back down. A range of other lifestyle changes can also help to eliminate anger in general and can be used for those with EAD or general temper problems. For instance lowering your blood pressure can help you to keep your heart rate calmer and to avoid anger outbursts and this can be achieved through improving your diet – by drinking lots of water and eating lots of fibre. Likewise exercise can also help to prevent angry outbursts, as can having an outlet where you can express yourself creatively. If you have any ongoing stressors in your life or are generally unhappy for any reason you should meanwhile try to address these and so hopefully improve your general mood.

Nasty Old Costochondritis

Yeah, I have it again. Costochondritis. It is a pain and hurts like the dickens. Breathing in is an art form because I try to NOT hurt. Glorious news…I am on prednisone again too. (dripping sarcasm here). So, the weather is finally getting better and I have costochondritis. Welcome to mi vida loca!!

There have been some personal upheavals in my life as well. I do not want to say but suffice to say big changes are coming for me. Hopefully good changes!