For fellow lupies…

Standard

Ok, so I have complained a lot lately about a lot of things. Yes, I admit it. However, in my defense I would like to state that if you were in as much pain as I have been recently, you would be complaining too.

I finally did break down and call the doctor. I have an appointment on Monday. I will find out what we are going to do about all the things my body is doing to me, hopefully, and get some relief from the unrelenting pain. I also have begun the prednisone again. This time for a long term bout of it. I have had three or four short courses of it and it helps for a short while, but the pain rears its ugly head after a bit and it starts all over again.

This time, I am dealing with it on my own. I am not going to talk about it or discuss how bad it hurts because I think I have finally figured out that no one really wants to hear it. No one. I have had no one to confide in about it. So that is why I have been spouting off on here.

Please forgive me for doing this in the way I am doing it but this is how I feel. Pain, accompanied by depression, and an overwhleming sense of loneliness because I cannot talk about it even in the most benign way, to anyone in my household, even my family outside of the household.

My kids have had several crises this week which involved me being called and helping them out and dealing with that stress. Add to the mix, my husband who is delaing with his own demons and cannot stand to hear anything “negative” right now. Add yet another thing, getting my mother-in-law packed and putting her things into storage. Then getting our things out of storage and moved here. Painting, dishes, housework, laundry and a whole litany of things and I think you can see how I feel.

I did try to take a time out from life for one day and ended up having to help son out and watch granddaughter and help husband out as well. It was a bad idea, don’t know why I tried to do it. No sleep, and tons of stress.

I feel alone. I am depressed because really, I feel no one cares. I cry from the pain in my joints and the pain meds do not help.  No one knows I cry because it would “upset” them to see it so I go to the bathroom or to bed early and hope no one sees it. I am back on pred after workign hard to lose ten pounds in the last week, only to find that I will probably gain weight again while on it. Gee, do you think I am flaring? Go figure… enough said, I will adopt the stiff upper lip and put on my big girl panties and continue to “pretend” nothing is wrong.  Wish me luck!

Advertisements