I am writing two separate blogs tonight. The first one was light hearted and a true story about changes I have made in my old age. This one is more serious. It is about others and how they can affect us.
As I posted earlier, I saw my neurologist today and had a long visit. You can read about it here in another post. I am not discussing it now. What I am discussing now is the apathy that others have towards me. This is one of those ugly posts so stop reading now if you do not want to know the ugly truth.
I came home from the appointment this morning and stopped and got a few groceries. I arrived home and hubs helped me carry the groceries in. Thanks honey for helping me. I then got my things together to come camping. In all this time, over an hour, I was never once asked about my appointment, how it went, nothing.
We came on out to the camper. While he surfed the internet, I laid down and took a short nap. When I woke up, I asked if I could please use the computer to research some things. He said what things? I told him I wanted to research the new tests and medications the doctor ordered today. Here is the ugly part now… he actually said to me “I do not understand why you want to spend all your time in a hospital“. Not one word about what happened at the office visit or anything. I mean, I actually got lost at the hospital and had to get help to find my way to the doctors office but could I tell him? No.Thanks for the interest sweetie.
It just infuriates me at times how his illness and his issues and his life are always so much more important than mine. His standard line lately is “I don’t need to hear this right now”. Yes, he has tuned me out. That is the reason I blog. I have to vent somewhere or I will explode. The total lack of empathy is amazing to me though.
You see, when he has appointments, he always has me there. I have always thought that you should do to others the way you want to be treated. Anyway, I go with him, hold his hand, give him encouragement, you know, like a spouse should do. He, on the other hand, feels no need to be involved in my care other than to say he thinks I need a new doctor so I can get stronger pain pills.
So, now I have ranted and hope that tomorrow is a new day. Maybe he will think about it. Most likely he won’t. It is sad to not be able to share important things with your spouse. I would love to, but he tells me that line about not needing to hear this right now. Gee, maybe I don’t want to be sick, but it is a fact and I am sorry if my illness inconveniences you. So, I cannot talk about it, cannot mention feeling bad (he hates it when I mention my real feelings) and instead I am reduced to downplaying it all and pretending all is ok. Sad, isn’t it?