Well the brick wall has appeared. I have been on prednisone for five days at 60 mg. per day. Today I am off of it, no tapering down, just stopping. Needless to say, the brick wall means I have gone from energy and accomplishments to a dead standstill. Like hitting a brick wall. Now some may think I am exaggerating a bit. Ok, believe what you will, but I know how I feel. I have no energy, and cannot seem to get motivated for anything. I have slept so much in the last two days.
The weather is not helping either. It has gone from beautiful sunny days to cold, damp and dreary and that brings me the pain and aches as well. Some days it just feels a bit overwhelming to even try. Do I feel moody and depressed? Well, yeah! That would be an understatement. I had a brief glimpse of how I should feel and the thngs I should be able to do and now I am back to the brutal truth that I am unable to function in the normal range due to this hideous disease. Am I mad? Yeah!
Now I need to move towards that acceptance again. I need to remember how it does feel to feel good, but also I need to remember how to live in smaller doses and to relish each and every day that I have. Smell the roses, watch the little things. Most of all, I need to remember that each day still counts and that I am thankful for each day I am given.
Some might blame God for their infirmities. I know where the blame lies and it is not God. He is the One who gives me the strength to face each new day with the dignity I can, and to know that He is always a prayer away. Thank you Father, for your many blessings every day and for giving me the chance to experience your blessings. May I never forget to thank you for each of the beautiful things in my life.