Many people worry about the effect of their behavior and words on others. Many more do not worry at all. It is strange how the ones that DO worry, seem to not notice when they actually DO hurt feelings.

I have to take the blame for this, as many people do not realize how my feelings are just as sensitive as others. Yeah, I put up a good front. I act like I am tough. The truth of the matter is that, I get hurt a lot. Especially at times like now. I feel like a wounded puppy who keeps getting kicked.

I know I should not let others dictate how I feel but some days (or weeks) you just cannot seem to help it. This is one of those times. It will pass but only after some deep soul searching on my part to realize that apparently my feelings and life do not matter to others at all. It is a sobering realization. I have had this one before. You would think I would learn but no, I put my heart out there and it gets stomped.

One day I will learn that I need to trust only God and myself. Then, I will not allow others (with only a few exceptions that is) the power to hurt me. Yes, it may make me distant. Yes, it may make me lose friends and family. Yes, but in the long run, my emotions cannot take much more of this pain I am feeling. I need to stop giving that power to others and just realize that I have to deal with my pain on my own.

I am actively in a really bad flare, with physical pain that would make others cry. I also have the flu, which seems to make me even more weak. When you add the emotional toll, I am surprised I can even get out of bed. I do, though, and it hurts me. I am crying as I write this even. I just wish, one time, that others would think about how it feels to be sooooo down that you find it hard to believe you will ever get up again. Think how the other person feels for once. That’s all. Maybe then they would realize that they may be inflicting pain on another person by their words or actions. Nope. It will never happen. And no, this is not about my husband, he is trying to help me, giving me encouragement.


3 thoughts on “Feelings

  1. Anonymous

    I just came across your blog tonight as I was researching some things online regarding Lupus. I was diagnosed several years ago with Lupus after the birth of my son. It seems pregnancy wreaked havoc on my body. Currently, I am going through a severe flare up, and feel so alone, as I am extremely misunderstood by those that are closest to me. I’m tired of hearing that there’s no way I can feel like I do because I look perfectly fine. Basically, I’m tired of being viewed as a hypochondriac. Anyway, this entry that you posted, sums everything up that I’ve been going through. I’m so glad to see that I am not alone. I look forward to reading more of your future posts.

    • I am glad that the post helped you. I feel like a hypochondriac at times, or at least those around me sometimes make me feel that way too. It is sad that those closest to us can hurt us in that way, but it happens more often than you think. You are not alone!

  2. Sorry you’re in so much pain right now. I wish I had the solution to how to deal with the pain others cause us…I’m trying to reach a place where I don’t worry about how others think about me, but it’s not easy. At least your husband is there to support you!

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