Just This Once Please


I have griped and complained and cried and tried to get some relief from this pain. Nothing seems to help and it is making me crazy. I mean, when you are asleep and cry in your sleep, it is beyond ridiculous. Not to mention, waking up because the pain is intense and unbearable. So as the title of this post states, Just this once please, may I have some relief from the pain so I can rest and get to feeling better?

I do not care whether it is lupus related or fibromyalgia related. At this juncture, it is a moot point. I just want the pain to stop, just his once please. Why does th pain intensify at night? Does anyone know why? Can someone please explain to me how a person can be sound asleep and their pain wake them up? Why is there nothing I can do to make it better?

To be fair, I am taking neurontin right now, along with ultram. I have even added tylenol to the mix after reading that it can boost the effects of the ultram to make for better pain control. While it did help a little, the overall effect has not been encouraging at all.

I feel like an animal who is in a corner with a predator getting ready to strike. No kidding. I want to fight this and feel better but when pain is omnipresent, what can you do? I get angry and then depressed. I feel like it is not worth fighting anymore and I should just give up. It makes me feel like I am not worthy of living a productive life anymore, sinc I cannot function like normal people. It sucks, plain and simple.

So, here it is, 2:30 in the morning, and I am awake and in pain again. Why don’t I go to the ER you might ask. Let me tell you why. Whenever I go to the ER, I get the speech about learning to deal with the pain. I am looked upon as if I am a drug seeker, a junkie, because I want help with the pain. I am made to feel like it is all in my head. Crazy woman, wanting attention. Yes, it is truly how I have been made to feel when I go to the ER (and there are several around here but it is basically the same type of treatment).

You know, if my husband goes to the ER in pain, they are quick to administer medications to alleviate his pain. I have seen him get prescriptions for medications for pain. I mention pain, and it is a different story altogether. Why is that? Do doctors realy think I seek attention by turning up in their ER or office? Oh really?

Trust me, I have much better things to do with my time. If I could get the pain relief I need, then I could be doing them. Ah, so much for that pipe dream. In my experience, it is not going to happen. I went to a pain clinic for a bit but found they are basically legalized drug dealers and truly are only interested in the money. My regualr docs won’t treat me because they feel it is our of their scope. My rheumy is not one to dish out meds willy nilly either. So, unless I want to find a dealer on the street (which I will not), I have to be in pain like this.

It is a sad state when you are chronically ill and in pain and cannot get any relief. Maybe I should just quit trying. I mean, if I give up the fight, then no one will have to deal with me and my pain anymore. Just saying…


2 thoughts on “Just This Once Please

  1. I know exactly how you feel…it’s so frustrating and upsetting. I told my dr that I literally do not know where to put myself when the flare ups hit. No matter what I do – I am in pain. If I am laying down and I lay on my left side – my left side hurts – if I lay on my right side – my right side hurts – if I lay on my back – my back hurts or my hips hurt – my shoulders hurt – if I sit up – then everything else hurts. It’s ridiculous. Somedays it is so unbearable, I just curl up into a ball and cry.

    I feel your pain and where you are coming from…take care!!

  2. Jen,
    I’m so sorry to hear that you are in so much pain and feel bad that your doctors treat you like they do. If I were having that degree of pain I would keep searching for answers even if it meant getting a second opinion, third opinion and so forth. I do understand your frustration and hope things start to improve soon.

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