Life and Wisdom

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As we get older it is true that we get wiser. Most of the time we can account for that wisdom due to experiences we have had or experiences of those close to us. I heard it said once that if we do not learn from our mistakes, we are doomed to repeat them. Those words are so true. There are some people who listen to the wisdom of their parents and family and avoid the things that can bring them harm. There are those who buck the system and go full force into trouble. There are those who are somewhere in between, they are able to do both things at different stages. 

Why am I bringing this up you ask? The simple truth is that I have been having a really bad few weeks lately. I have been deeply depressed about things swirling around me. I have learned a few things in my 51 years and I thought I would vent some more if you all do not mind. If you do mind, then stop reading here.

First on the list is friends. I am so thankful and blessed to have friends. I can count many as that. However, lately (and it may just be my interpretation) I have noticed that my phone is not ringing or I am not getting texts and emails and such. The only reason I have noticed is this is because I have been so down, physically and emotionally. I have some friends (and you know who you are) who have called to check on me and see if they can do anything to help. These are my true friends. It is nice not to have to be the one doing all the calling. I do make the effort but I decided lately to see if anyone would actually call me back. The results are not good. I am beginning to think that if they do not want to take a moment out of their time to talk to me, then maybe I need to move on.

I understand how busy life is, it has not been that long ago that I was one of those busy people myself. I understand, really I do. It can be a challenge to keep in touch with others. It is just that when your own family does not call, it hurts that much more. I call them, or text them, or leave them comments and emails. It is almost like I am invisible. Well, I guess I need to prune back there too. Even my children (not my daughter) duck me and make me go to voice mail. I told them if they would just answer, we could be done with what I needed but they do not even afford me that courtesy. Yes, it is true.

So I thought I would spout off here. It really is frustrating but I know that the ones who are the offenders will not be reading this anyway. Why should they? It would take up too much of their time.

Sorry but I am on a roll lately and well, if the shoe fits people, then wear it. I just feel like I am alone and cut off from everyone some days. I warned you that this blog would not always be pretty but would always be honest. Now you know…

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3 thoughts on “Life and Wisdom

  1. Stumbled on your blog. I can relate to your feelings. I’m the one who is always checking on others, always there with encouragement..and yet when I need it, I find myself to be invisible. Anything that has to do with me is quickly turned to the other person, and I find myself wading in their problems and issues. It’s tiring and discouraging. Hang in there? That sounds so insipid. Sorry. I know the Lupus walk, and the frustration of the oft times invisibility. Everyone is always worse off than we, right?

  2. Awwhhh my dear I completely understand and can relate. I start asking myself what kind of company am I that they want to stay away from. Or do they believe that my illness is contagious. I am in the same kind of boat as you are. I have one child and her child who think I am not worthy of their time. Another that tries so hard but still gets fed up with her mom’s life that she chooses to turn her head.
    May I suggest if you have not read the letter I wrote to “Normies” in my blog that maybe you do so. A letter to those who do not have my disease, Fibromyalgia. A statement of what it’s like to be me. (..you, anybody who has a chronic illness) Maybe send those in your family a copy. Perhaps via snail mail.

    When one our daughters was seeming to just accept Mom’s health problems as part of life, yet every breath dad takes is measured, my feelings were hurt. I was feeling disrespected, used, abused, taken for granted,… all the things that seem to follow a chronic illness at times. This is my one kid who walks with me every step. I finally spoke up to her. We had a good cry together, a really good cry and lots of sharing. She shared with me that something I do when the symptoms are bad was leading her to believe I wanted to be left alone. Who knew?
    I tend to isolate myself. I also tend to try to minimize how I’m feeling so that my family does not have to be faced with it. Why should they? It’s not something you want to share.
    Come to find out that when I am feeling the most neediest is when I am portraying “Don’t Touch!” My daughter was left with a set of complex questions.

    We’re working on it. My daughter & I. It didn’t miraculously change things just because we spoke about them. But no longer are my feelings about feeling ignored a big elephant in the room.

    I’m having one of those months myself. Not feeling good, not being able to participate in my family’s activities is more frustrating than I can even express here. The tears form. The world keeps revolving without my help and I’m sitting here wondering what I can do to make it different. I hear no replies.

    Such in the life of a chronic illness spiraled out of control. I know I just am not that much fun. I am more sorry for that than anything else.

    Hang in there please and know you’re never completely alone.
    In the mid 90’s when I was in Seattle alone with my husband who worked 50 to 60 hours a week, alone with my illness at it’s peak of introduction I was given the gift of my first computer. (I was never going to have one) To say that meeting people like you saved my life is no exaggeration. I have two very dear friend’s from those days that seemed so dark who are still a huge part of my life. Without learning that these two women in particular were dealing with the same fears I was I have no idea where today I would be.
    Sharing with those that know what it’s like for living inside the vessel God gave you, scars and all, is part of my tool belt for coping.
    Thanks for sharing your feelings about this, something so close to my heart.

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