Starting Over at 52

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Life can take strange twists and turns when we least expect it. You can be plugging along thinking all is well and then something happens that not only opens your eyes to the truth, but also moves you to change course. This is my new reality. I am living with my mother in her guest room because I had to leave my home situation. I have my kitty cat here with me and am trying to find a place to live. Unfortunately, that is going to be an issue. I cannot work anymore and I have a very limited budget since I live on ssdi. Basically I will probably end up in an area that is dangerous because I cannot afford much more. I like to eat and get my meds so I have to work this out so I can do that.

I never expected to be living with my mom at 52. I thought I would be getting ready to retire (before I had to quit working). I have rolled with the punches that life has thrown at me and always look for the positives. There is a sadness this time. You see, I love my husband. I did not want to leave. It was hard to do. However, on reflection, I have had issues all around me that I chose not to see. You know, living with your head in the sand. Well, my eyes have opened wide and I see everything with a clarity that was missing prior. So, now what can I do? Stay tuned… I do not know but I am sure it will be changes I did not anticipate. Hopefully I can grow into a better person who has a frugal yet rewarding life left to me from this point forward. We will see…

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6 thoughts on “Starting Over at 52

  1. 2findahouse

    I am SO sorry Jen! You are in my heart, mind, and prayers! Before I was diagnosed, I lived with an abusive alcoholic/addict for many years. I finally left when I found bruises on my then 2 year old daughter. I feel so blessed that my husband is who he is because I don’t think I could have survived this journey without him. YOU are one of the strongest women I have ever “met” and I have always drawn strength from your knowledge and courage. Now, I am sending you all that I can muster in the form of positive energy and virtual hugs!!!! You will do what is best for YOU, I know you will. You are also one of the most intelligent people I’ve ever had to honor to come in contact with!!! May your future now be filled with LOVE, LAUGHTER, HOPE, LIGHT and BLESSINGS! You deserve them ALL!!!!

    • Wow! Thanks so much Eva for the kind words! I am making this a matter of prayer that I can find a place for my new life to begin. While it is difficult at times, the fact that I get strength from the positives is showing me that I need to keep plugging along on this new road. Thanks for your reassurance! Jen

  2. Kimberly

    I can’t begin to tell the ladies in this blog here, what a comforting feeling this brings–in knowing I’m NOT ALONE. I have been totally “medically” disabled since the fall of 2006.
    I raised a daughter on my own with the help of family and now she is turning 19 in just a few weeks and I find myself at the ripe old age of ONLY 41 and living with an old friend because I haven’t been able to support myself on a fixed social security disability income.

    Now, my daughter needs a place to live, as staying with the grandparents has become rather “dysfunctional” to say the LEAST! So, here I am, facing cervical spinal fusion surgery at two levels from severe arthritis of the c-spine, an outdated resume and the search for employment.

    All the while, the voice inside me saying, “you’re too disabled” to work full time.”

    All I know is that i have to try harder, invent new ways, and methods of managing my illness and my physical body.

    Sorry for the long blog–had a lot on my mind! Today is Mother’s Day, I’m STILL ALIVE AND NEVER BEEN A QUITTER.

    • Kimberly you ARE a vital, loving woman who deserves only the best life can offer. Never forget that! You are also NOT alone! There are many people out here who are also disabled, yet they have found ways to get through the bumps in their lives. Please come back and often and feel reassured that you are going to be alright! I don’t know if you read the bible but my favorite scripture is at 1 Corinthians 10:14. It helps me through the tough days and gives me hope for a better tomorrow. If you cannot work, do not feel unworthy. I am a type A person who not only loves to work but I derive a much needed self esteem from doing a job and doing it well. It took me some time before I could figure out that I am still worthy of good things and finally show myself how to function in this new reality that is my life. I am here anytime you need to talk! Jen

  3. Every single word you wrote went straight to my heart. Aside from the fact that you are living with your mother ( I wish mine was still here, because if she were I don’t think my life would be an hitting rock bottom the way that it is ), this is also my life story. I am living in a home that I feel is no longer mine. It is overcome with hostility, resentment, spite, anger and abuse. I am frightened for me, my son and my life in general. I feel as though I am regarded as garbage, as a non person. My well being is not cared for or about, my health is disregarded and something I am resented for. I am beyond sad, I don’t even know how to describe my emotions anymore.

    I hope you will find some peace by making the decisions that you have. If you were living in a similar situation as I am, please know that you did the right thing. Keep in touch and please let me know how everything is working out for you. Just remember that there are people who care about you in the world.

    • Thanks so much for the encouragement. I am much happier now despite the difficulties that I am facing. While our situations are similar, mine was clouded by addictions as well. He also has explosive rage disorder. It makes for explosive living. I will keep you in my prayers. Life should be beautiful. I am learning that now.

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