Burning

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Well, it has been one of those days today. I am trying so hard to get all my ducks in a row and yet, seems there is always another landslide knocking me down again! So, here is your warning… this is a gripe fest so if you do not want to hear it, stop reading now. For those intrepid readers who continue on, get ready cause here it comes…

 

I have had some serious health issues lately. I have said that on here. What I didn’t say a lot about is that a mass was found on my ovary. Granted, it is a small mass. However, my doctor says it bears watching. Personally, I would just as soon have the whole thng yanked out. I am not using it anymore. It is on a wait and see agenda right now. That is a huge thing for me. Scares me.

I have also had this diverticulitis too. I feel like it is beginning to get infected again.  This is worrisome to me too. Add this anemia I seem to have developed and you can see why  I am concerned.

Now on to the griping. I have been trying to get my kids to bring the grandkids over. My daughter has but as of now, my two boys are not doing it. My oldest son, who has always been the closest one to me, is indifferent. He refuses to bring his kids over while I am living with my husband again. He says I have to come over there. Well, gee, if I weren’t so sick I might do that, you know?

To be fair, I have not told the kids the seriousness of the situation my health is in. I don’t want them comng under compulsion. So I guess I am basically just stuck until I get all my ducks in a row. Once all my docs have been seen, tests done, and all the other stuff, at that point I will have some decisions to make.

My kids did this before. When I was diagnosed with lupus, it took them a long time to acknowledge that I was sick. I would be told to get over it and get off my butt and maybe if I would exercise things would be better. I let it go then, although it hurt me so much, because I understood that they were afraid to acknowledge it because it meant I could die. I got that. It has been in the last five years or so that they understand it better.

I am just so upset that I am being penalized because I don’t fit “their” rules for what is acceptable. Like before.

They do not know, nor do they read this blog, so what I have written about my illness they will not find out about until I tell them. I do not want them to know until Iknow. I do not want them to worry.  Even then, I am not sure what to tell them. I have glossed it over with them, and my mother, by not telling everything.

Anyway, I just needed to get this off my chest and I thank you for “listening”. I just needed to get it off my chest so I can calm down. Stress is not good.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

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2 thoughts on “Burning

  1. Mary

    Hi Dear!
    I guess I missed along the line somewhere that you were back with your Husband. I hope all is well. Just take one day at a time and see what all the Docs say and take it from there.
    Thanks for the blog. Gripe anytime haha I wish that I could relieve stress that would be a greatbattle to be won.

    • Thanks Mary. I must have posted it on here. Yes I moved back. He knows if he messes up this time I am outta here for good. It’s silly but I do love him. His addiction and mental issues need resolved once and for all. I just wanted to try this last time. He knows that. I have safety plans in place too. Always prepared. Lesson I learned after several years of marriage. Thanks for your kind words too. I am doing just what you said, one day, one issue and crossing one bridge at a time. Small steps. Once I know one way or another, then I will worry and fight even more. ~ Jen

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