Wonderfully Me

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I seem to be quick about the negatives in this journey with lupus, but for today, I want to share some good news. For two days now, I have been on a new medicine and for two days I have felt like a totally different person. I feel alive! I have energy! I feel light!

See, I told you…good news indeed! I am finally feeling wonderfully like me!

The reason for this is I had my appointment at the pain clinic and they are addressing the oppressive pain I have been dealing with and working on a plan of action to make me feel better. The first step is the new medicine I am on. The second step is a tens unit to target my pain and the third step is massage therapy. Who knew?

For those of you who are not aware, I have been virtually bed bound for some time now. I only got out when I had to, like doc visits and grocery. Even those were hard to do because of the overwhelming pain. Some days all I did was get up for the bathroom and the rest of the time was spent in bed. Not sleeping, just laying or sitting and unable to do much but feel bad. It is not a nice way to live.

I never wanted to see a pain doctor. I had heard all the bad stories about pill pushers who serve the addicted population and that only addicts went there. It took one strong willed lupie sister to talk me into going. Ok, scratch that, she threatened to come to my house and make me go if I didn’t make an appointment myself. I am so thankful for friends like that. She cared enough to do that and make me go into uncharted territory for me. I was way out of my comfort zone here.

I never wanted to go because in my mind, those who needed those things were weak and unable to be in control of their lives and take charge of their pain. I was taught growing up that you overcome pain by sheer willpower and grit. Well, how did that work out for me? I was reduced to being in bed most days because of the pain I was in.

When I finally got my nerve up to talk to my rheumy, he gave me a pain med that did nothing for my pain. After my friend and several other lupies I had talked to told me their stories, I decided to make the appointment. I kept the appointment and wow! why did I wait?

You see, I had done research and even posted articles on this blog about pain management. I was a fraud though, because even though I acknowledged that others needed stronger pain relief for a better quality of life, I would not do it myself because of these thoughts in my head I mentioned above. It is like saying “For you it is great but I am not that much in need”. WHAT!?

When your quality of life is impaired to the point that you are almost completely bed bound, how much lower do you want to go? So, I am here to say….if you are living in pain, get help! Do not think like I did and do nothing. I mean, unless you enjoy being in pain.

Some are fortunate enough that their doctors will help them in pain management. Others may have to seek out a pain clinic for their relief. The bottom line is how bad do you hurt? Today, I can honestly answer that even though I still have pain, it is in the range that I can function and get out of bed and do things! It is still there, just not as bad as it was.

I am thankful for those who gave me their honest input and lovingly pushed me to do this. Thanks is not enough! They have helped me to be able to live better, love much and give to others. The gift of these friends is immeasurable. Thank you all and you know who you are!