Today I discovered something about other people. To begin with, let me say that those of us here who have lupus have met this type of person many times over. It truly does not matter how many times we hear this from people, it still rankles when, either deliberately or unknowingly, people say things that hurt us. To illustrate,
I have lupus, am in a flare, and also have had the flu for over a week now as well.You know, fever, chills, coughing, sneezing, aching, that type of flu. Yeah, it sucks to be me right now. Now for the comment that galls me… another person I know is getting the flu now, same one I have been fighting, and says this to me, “I am not going to obsess or worry about it but I will go on with my day to day regardless of it”.
Yep, that was said to me yet again today. The implication of such a statement is that, if I would quit thinking about lupus, the flu, or whatever may be afflicting me, anad just move forward in the day to day realm of my life, I would be able to overcome it. Oh yeah? Well, here is my rant about this topic… the day that you have walked in my shoes is the day you can tell me how to feel or act or do things.
I really get steamed when this happens. It happens when I least expect it and really makes my blood boil. Especially when this statement is made by those closest to me, in my family. While most “normal” people can push through the flu or other ailments, those of us with lupus will actually make ourselves sicker if we try that approach. You see, our bodies are under attack most days as it is, and to be able to accomplish anything, we need to rest, frequently, and listen to our body when it says for us to do no more. It is hard to justify that you need to rest or the flu is making you feel worse, or anything along that line. For those of us who do indeed listen to our bodies and rest, we tend to not be as sick later. It is a type of trade off, we have to rob from Peter to pay Paul.
I will make this a little easier for those who still may not understand. I would LOVE to just push through and have a real life in spite of having the flu or something like it. I do NOT like having to cop out of chores and the like because I am unwell and need to rest. I DO wish more people would realize the pain they inflict by just saying something as simple as “You can push through it and you will feel better”.
In a way, by saying that and not really hearing what we are telling you about rest, and NOT being able to push through, you are making us feel like we are useless human beings. Yes, that is how I feel whenever someone says that to me. I feel like they either do not care that is hurts me, or they still have not learned that lupus can take me down and out with little or no warning in a variety of ways. I hope they are not being mean spirited, but ignorance can still cause pain and hurt me emotionally.
In this scenario, please feel free to learn more so you are educated and understand the daily struggles involved. Ignorance causes pain but education causes empathy which we as patients need from those around us.
If you would liek to truly be of assistance to us, try a few of these suggestions:
Call us and just listen, it really does mean a lot and helps us to vent the negatives out and be more positive.
Drop by and check on us. Believe it or not, a little company can make the whole day brighter.
Ask if you can help with something. There are days when I cannot do the dishes, and it sure is nice if someone else does them. It does not have to be something like that, but just seeing if youc an help in some way means the world to us.
Send a card letting us know you are thinking of us. Yes, it really helps.
Maybe run an errand for us, like pick up a few groceries while you are out. Call first and ask us if we need anything. Amazing how this can change a day. Maybe go pick up our prescriptions even.
Most of all though, just letting us know you are there if we need you can make a bad day better! You would be surprised how little acts of kindness can make the world of difference!
Thanks for listening and I hope you all have pain free days and blessings surround you.